So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
