Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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