Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
