and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
