Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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