btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize