Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
