He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i now understand why vodka
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
