Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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