do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
