Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
