I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
