The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
