if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Of course I have a pirate flag
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
