I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
True strength comes from lack of pants
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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