if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
