Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
