Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
