i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
