I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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