I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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