I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
