At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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