A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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