My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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