I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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