as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
