woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize