I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
