I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
