i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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