I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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