Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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