So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
