I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
