Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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