the condom got lost in my hair
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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