I showed him my bush... on skype.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
