he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
