I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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