i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
