I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
