Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He felt like a one man threesome
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
