He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize