I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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