I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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