im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
