so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
