he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
