I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
