i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
