ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
