Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
