Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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