We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
