You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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