Christians are straight up FREAKS
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
