Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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