i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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