I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
