I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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