So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
