I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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