she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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