And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize